Archive for the ‘ Poetry ’ Category

Re: My Poetry (Nov 15 2013)

I am sorry I haven’t posted all of these in the order in which they were written. That would have been the smart and logical thing to do. Thanks for reading. Feel free to critique me, as long as you’re tactful.

A Life Unfolds (Nov 15 2013)

First and only child to newly married teens

Unlucky from the get-go to get a combo of their genes

You make people laugh, you say your first words

Little did you realise it’d be the last time you were heard

You follow the rules, brush teeth, make the bed

Good little automaton, indoctrination’s getting in your head

You play all the sports and win heaps of awards

Unaware your achievements as an adult would also be scored

All the teachers like you, you get good grades

They didn’t know they were being made to be part of the charade

High school was easy, you got a good score

Not knowing then that uni was a much harder chore

Leave uni early, it wasn’t for you

Young and out in the big bad world, what are you to do?

With your zero experience try to get a job

Unemployment benefit’s not enough, have to earn a bob

Earning jackshit, not even minimum wage

How unfair you get treated this way because of your age

Your twenties are for partying, sewing your wild oats

Don’t remember much of that time, shoulda taken notes

Your thirties are for growing up and settling down

You weren’t good enough and he didn’t stick around

You aren’t where you planned, you thought you’d have kids

Big shock to the system, your life has really hit the skids

You start getting diagnosed with various conditions

Hang on, my life isn’t over yet, I still had ambitions

Next year’s a big one, reaching the big 4-0

What has life in store for me? I’d really like to know

Trying to remain positive, don’t wanna get disheartened

I hope life starts improving now and gets better than it started.

Light (written Sep 2011)

Trying to get the light right

Don’t like it too bright

Too revealing, too exposed

How to get rid of the darkness

Why does the dark have to seem so black?

Lava lamp would be great

If I didn’t have to see, read, write

Coloured globes for different moods

Good idea, but what colour is angst?

Blue, red, green, yellow

Four colours to match how I feel?

Phhhh…….

I have twelve lights in my loungeroom

And still, I can’t get the light, right

 

Black Wave (Jan 2012)

The tears that ruin my makeup taste like pain

Your backhanded compliments sound like disdain

The fears that fracture my life seem so real

Living, for me, has lost it’s appeal

The knots in my neck feel like punching fists

Reality for me sucks as it presently exists

These words I write seem so nothingy and hollow

Sometimes too much drivel for even to me to swallow

The hole in my heart is twisted and dark

And through my soul has ripped the teeth of a shark

Of my external appearance I was so proud

Looking at myself in the mirror no longer allowed

The head pulsating from over analysis

Despite it, in this thinking I do persist

The betrayals that hit my spirit like darts

They now cruely tear my being apart

The neuroses scream loudly in my head

I wish for the time when I hear only sweet angels instead

My thoughts, dreams and goals are all asunder

This black angry war is winning, pulling me under.

Spirit Crushed (Jun 2012)

The heart beats a lonely ballad

The sould howls a passionate cry

The head throbs with anger

The response is a woeful sigh

The wants and desires are dwindling

The confidence has been defeated

The young girl who had so much potential

The positive attitude so depleted

The hopes and dreams were scoffed at

The hunger slowly abating

The resulting outcome is a sad one

The woman, crushed, is sick of waiting.

I Ask Of You (Jun 2012)

Pluck me out when I feel like I’m drowning in a vat of burning oil

Pick me up when I’ve fallen on barbed wire spikes

Wake me when I dream of puppies being tortured

Retrieve me when I’m lost in obtrusive thoughts

Guard me when others spit poison darts at me

Stroke my hair when peaceful sleep alludes me

Catch me when I fall off the face of the earth

Explain to me when my jumbled mind confuses me

Preach to me when I’m losing my spirituality

Tell me all will be ok, when everything’s going wrong

Inspire me when all around me I see failure and wretchedness

Uplift me when I feel can’t sink any lower

Be understanding when I’ve made bad decisions

Forgive me when I’m being selfish

Be my guide when I’ve picked the wrong path

Cheer me on when I’m disenchanted

Mentor me when I need your wisdom

This is what I ask of you

Thankyou

The Bird (Dec 2011)

The bird’s sweet churping said to me ” I am happy, I am free”

“I can flit and fly around and around”

 “I might drift over there towards that sound”.

At first when his mum pushed him out of the nest

He found it rather hard to digest

But when his wings worked and he hovered

He realised he wasn’t all that bothered

He could join any group that he met

And in in time, his mum he did forget

Having fun and then finding a mate

Food and babies were plentiful, life was great

One summery day up in the skies

He crossed paths with a face he didn’t recognise

It was his mother, all sick and forlorn

But he hadn’t seen her since he wass born

You see, he didn’t really need his mum

He’d had a full life, his lover and all of his chums

If only she’d kept him in the nest a little longer

Right now their relationship might’ve been stronger

Instead she chose a sad and solitary death

 And so all by herself she gulped her very last breath.  

What Am I Made Of? (Dec 2011)

I HAVE A HEART MADE OF GLASS

AND A MIND MADE OF COFETTI

MY BODY IS TINFOIL

MY ARMS ARE SPAGHETTI

MY BOOBS ARE FRIED EGGS

MY HEART’S AN INFLATED BALLOON

I HAVE LICORICE FOR LEGS

MY NECK’S A HARPOON

MY FEET ARE PADDLE POPS

MY HANDS ARE OVEN MITTS

MY EARS ARE CHOCOLATE DROPS

AND MY EYES ARE PEACH PITS

MY MOUTH IS A WILTED ROSE

MY TUMMY AN OVER-INFLATED TYRE

MY THIGHS ARE TRUNKS THAT GROW AND GROW

AND MY WRINKLES I WISHED THEY’D RETIRE

YOU SEE I’M A MIXED UP MASH OF ODDS & SODS

YOU MUST  HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR, GOD.

Employment (Dec 2011)

Does anyone else feel like a blank android

With all of their once loved passions destroyed

My feelings were once at the top; they spewed

Now my self-regulation is totally screwed

My life now filled with analysis and contemplation

I feel no love, no joy, no elation

I have a financial need to be employed

But with myself jobless I’m paranoid

With no self-control, no solid foundation

My brain has gone into involuntary liquidation

If someone would give me a go I’d feel redemption

Instead of the unexplained rejection and condescension

Getting employment would give me a lift

I’m bursting at the seems to do a regular shift

My optimism and confidence I’m trying to sustain

And I try so hard not to moan or to complain

I’m not treating this like a long vacation

I take it very seriously, I realise the implication

Now that I’ve told you, now that you’ve heard

If you hear of a job, please do spread the word.

Child-Girl-Woman (Dec 2011)

The empty echoes of her childhood

The dreams and wishes of a young girl yearning

The harsh reality of getting not much good

Contributed to her early learning

By her mother many carrots were dangled

The promise of a special gift

The grey web of lies was twisted and tangled

Mournfully setting her hopes adrift

She didn’t know which was worse; the physical?

Her mother’s beatings were only brief

Or was it the torture which was critical?

And seemed to cause much stronger grief

Her father, cunningly, always an angle

He should’ve been there as a relief

Instead with his disdain he would mangle

Her unquestioning thoughts and beliefs

Her doubts and worries were hard to contain

She was left feeling dread and apprehension

As a result her grades and facade were hard to maintain

Her real self and feelings in a state of suspension

Whatever their meaning, whatever their intent

They had screwed up this girl’s youth

Now that all of her emotions had been spent

She could go on in the world practising only the truth.

1974 (Mar 2012)

It was the year of the tiger, the year of my birth

The first and only time that to my mum I had worth

Whether to be a whore or a mum, she was torn

Though she loved me, she wished I hadn’t been born

For years I’ve felt her icy abandonment

I’ve had to keep all the lies, the sneaky concealments

There were times when I wore her stinging slaps 

Inside my head it sounded like breaking thunder claps

But even worse than causing physical pain

Was the emotional turmoil felt in my brain

At times it was her hurtful criticism

And if I was joyous, her vengeful cynicism

She seemed to get pleasure from her bitchy derision

Why couldn’t she change? It was her decision

It ultimately added up to me feeling bereft

If only she’d gone for good when she first left

So instead of me having a nice normal family

I have been lumped with this cancerous anomaly.

Mister Night (Dec 2011)

Night cloaks me in his silky darkness

He takes away the scary shadows from the day

The bright light and glare of daytime can be heartless

Taking my safety and my hiding spots away

Evening brings with him a comforting hint of calm

Covers up the guilt and shame felt by day

When morning comes; with it blaring alarm

Mister Night please come back so my fears will allay

Night-time helps me to settle and rest

The glittery stars, my happy little friends

Daytime’s all “rah rah rah” and puts my nerves to the test

Sunlight is over-rated, it’s not all that it pretends

When the sky is black my eyes have fallen closed

Daytime sees loud brash people with prying eyes

Under daylight I feel pushed, naked and exposed

While beneath my protective night blanket, I can lie.

 

 

This is a quicky I wrote while pfaffing around with the pooda.

                                               Internet Connections Suck

 

Sitting, waiting for my computer to log-in

I’m impatiently waiting to be blogging

My creative juices are all flowing

This tedious delay is mindlessly slowing

I have things I want to say; to discuss

I’ve already been in the chatroom, chatted with Gus

I’ve written a new poem I wanted to share

I want some input from all of you readers who care

I’m very impatient, I don’t like to wait

It’s nearly at the top of my list of 10 things I hate

What did I do before internet, blogs, chatrooms?

Maybe some housework, maybe vacuum

Shows me how much I depend on it when it’s down

Tried refreshing and restarting, now complete shutdown

Now my creative fires have been extinguished

My wishes to write online have been relinquished.

My Family (Nov 2011)

Hey everyone. Thanks for reading my blog. All of my poetry has been rather maudlin thus far, so sorry people. Thought I’d try writing about something good to see the difference. Here’s the result.

Princess thinks she’s an only child

If my lap is taken, she goes wild

Skeet is my sensitive old soul

To get doggie chocs is his only goal

Tito likes to playfight and dominate

In the end he’s just everyone’s mate

Mornay is a tactful diplomat

You could never find a friendlier cat

Terri is the boss and likes to destroy

He also likes to eat and play with a toy

Choocha seems to always be frightened

She’s like a meerkat, her senses hightened

Pablo makes mess to get my attention

Then he finds himself in solitary detention

Ari is sweet, clumsy and gentle

His helpless nature makes me feel parental

Kenzie is little, quiet and polite

When the dogs sniff at her, it gives her a fright

This is just a brief description of my beloved nine

I love and adore them, not just because they’re mine

I play with and feed them, keep them alive

Without their love of me, I would not survive. 

One Way Ticket (Aug 2011)

Why must I wake each day and take a breath?

When all I can see is my impending death

I’ve tried so hard to have a good life

But all I seem to do is end up in strife

My premature death would surely cause woe

But for god’s sake people, just let me go

On familial relationships I’ve put a strain

All I’m trying to do is ease the pain

My whole life I’ve been one big fake

I know now that was a mistake

I know my passing would cause untold grief

But suicide being a sin is just your belief.

Worry #2 – BDD (Nov 2011)

I worry what people think when they see me

I fret and fuss about it unnaturally

I worry they think I look strange

These worries consume me and are hard to arrange

I worry about what I might do or say

Like talking about poo, or saying something’s “gay”

My mouth takes over and I can’t self-edit

I manage to most of the time; give me some credit

I worry people will see my bad teeth

And they’ll learn I’m also rotten underneath

I worry people’ll see my every imperfection

If I’m stared at I’ll turn my face in another direction          

I worry they’ll see my skin, it’s too dry and wrinkly

And I never get nude, ’cause my thighs and butt are all crinkley

Most would think I’m shallow and vain

Believe me, I’m not, I’d do anything to get this out of my brain.

Worry #1 (Oct 2011)

I worry about my pets

Am I being a bad mum?

When they look at me funny

Am I being paranoid, am I being dumb?

I worry about them dying

I do try to keep them safe

I wish I never had to leave them

I hate it when I have to go away

I worry about having no money

It’s embarassing to have to steal

But if I don’t shoplift something

Me n the pets wouldn’t have a meal

I worry about being lonely

I don’t want to end up alone

But I’m scared you’ll reject me

So I don’t pick up the phone

I worry about all of the relationships I’ve lost

Why did I throw them all away?

When I avoid you, no, everything’s not all ok

I worry about getting old and ugly

I see my looks and health fading everyday

What will be of my life, where and when did it go astray?

MindShaft (Aug 2011)

Help me, I’m down here

My throat’s so sore and dry

Voice is nearly gone now

Can’t they hear me?

Seems like I’ve been down here for ages

Why hasn’t anyone come to save me?

I’m not the boy crying wolf

It’s not a practical joke

 Is there even anybody there?

Or am I as alone as I feel?

My fingertips bleed from scratching

Can’t get a grip

Keep slipping back down

It stinks down here, like sulphur

And the rats run over my feet I can’t see any light

Not even the stars

My eyes sting from dust and crying

I try to keep them open, but it hurts

I can hear soft music playing

It reminds me of something

My childhood? When I was happy?

Song’s slowing down now

Please don’t stop

Iwant to hear more

I want to hear it again

Don’t want to fall to the bottom

Can’t see what’s down there, and it scares me

Please play that tune again

So I can follow it to the top.

Mental (Oct 2011)

Major depression is to be in Hell

Upon your issues you will dwell

It’s not about feeling sad and sorry allday

With therapy and meds you hope they’ll allay

It’s not about moping or vying for attention

It’s aiming for balance, maintenance and retention

Anxiety makes you worry, fear and fret

About situations you would rather forget

Mania feels like energy that keeps going and going

Feeling super productive with your creative juices flowing

Obsession is thoughts that seem unending

Compulsion comes with it and sees me needlessly spending

I’d love to get my life back, be me again

All I can do is plod along day by day until then.

Another “Ation” Poem (Nov 2011)

What happened to my maturation?

I’m forever stuck being a teenager

How did I end up in this situation?

I saw my life being so different than this

I hate that I feel such degradation

The sins of my mother make me feel such shame

Twitchy, weird, intense is my manifestation

Which bits are me? Which are my illness?

My dad thinks I use manipulation

Like I’m some evil puppeteer

From my mum I’d like an explanation

Was it so hard to be my mum?

When will I find an occupation?

Gotta pay the bills, sick of eating soup

I’m not happy with my presentation

Always picking, always finding faults

I’m Libran, prone to prevarication

Make your mind up Leanne, it’s not that hard

My whole life feels like a fabrication

I’m a fraud, a phoney, a fake

I’d like an advocate, some representation

I can’t speak up for me, I’m not worth it

My life is no-win, when did I come to this realisation?

I keep kidding myself that I’ve still got time

My life is in ruins, complete devastation

Doesn’t get much worse, could maybe lose my house

I’ve isolated myself so much, utter segregation

Animals are my friends and family now

When my dad listened, I felt validation

One conversation where we actually connected

When owning up to flaws I feel humiliation

Telling one’s truth can be hard sometimes

I’d like to be someone else, a total re-creation

Yes, please Higher Power, can I have a do-over?